Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Time Out Tuesday - UGH

Well, I hesitate to write this post. The thing most on my mind today is causing a lot of anger for me. But it's pretty much the only thing on my mind today, so there it is. And in the pursuit of writing an honest blog and sharing issues with others, I've decided to go ahead and write about it. Any other day I would have let it go. But on Time Out Tuesday, the whole purpose is to share a little bit more about myself and my family rather than just my business and deal shopping. So here goes.

My husband has three kids from another marriage. In the internet world, they are skids. Short for step kids. And their birth mother, although referred to in a multitude of nicknames in my household is abbreviated as BM. I like the double entendre implications there, although I tell you, I would have never named my blog Business Mommy if I had realized that the initials were the same. That is why you will NEVER see it abbreviated!

Anyway. My husband is a wonderful father. Definitely to our little boy, but I seen him in action first hand with his other kids once we were in a serious relationship. We all got along great too. To make a long story short, the same second we announced our engagement was the same second BM started keeping the kids from my husband. And after three years of trying to stop her from her manipulations, and a guardian ad litem (lawyer for the kids appointed in extreme cases) named MARTY HAAS doing what was easy rather than what was right, we've been through family therapy, court orders and everything trying to make her give my husband his kid time, and she has fought it in such extreme ways that my personal therapist (which I needed to help me get through all of this specific craziness) can't even believe what the legal system has let BM do to keep his kids from him. My therapist doesn't humor us either. He tells us how it is. And the court ordered family therapist specifically told us that we needed to play nice because BM was playing dirty and the easiest way through it all was to make her feel ok with things. Well, since I don't curse on this blog, my answer to that is BS. (I originally started the couponing when I was going to be regularly feeding three extra kids a couple times a week.)

So again. I know that I said I would try to make the long story short. Believe me, I am. The point we are at is that it was determined that BM has brain washed the kids so much that it is impossible for the kids to have a real relationship with their dad at this point. So he's allowing the step father to adopt them and stepping back so they don't have to be a part of this battle their entire childhood.

So this woman is crazy. I know. Everyone says that about their spouses ex. I was actually fine with her for the most part in the beginning. My hubby always told me she was crazy. But everyone thinks that about their ex too. So I was operating under the impression that anyone gets away with what they can if you let them. So for the sake of brevity, let's just assume that I'm right when I say that she's crazy. And not in the fun and harmless way that I am. :-) In a way that she is willing to put her children in extreme situations just to keep them from their father.

So here we are. Part of allowing the stepfather to adopt them and my hubby to stand back until they are adults and can make their own decisions, is cutting off child support. The one good thing in all of this. All of this stuff had been decided back in February. And the child support was supposed to stop on August 1st. And guess what, it hasn't. Her lawyer has even sent us mocked up documents (yes, we are filing an ethics violation charge) saying that child support cessation documents had been filed and were in process. Today is when we are finding out about this. Our lawyers were finally able to get ahold of her lawyers who have been putting us off for three weeks now. And now they are "sending a letter." Which means there is some other issue going on. I don't know what the letter entails yet. But odds are that it isn't good. So I'm freaking out in a major way. I'm feeling like an animal backed into a corner. Someone is about to get hurt. But because I'm a nice person, it's most likely going to be me imploding on myself.

I'm sorry to write such a long post about this. Oh, and Marty Haas is in Northern Kentucky. Do not give him your business if you have need of him. He is supposed to be an advocate of the children, but he realized early on that my husband and I are easy to get along with, and BM isn't, so we've been the ones that he argues with because we listen. All therapists have told us that it is in the best interest of the children for the father to be in their lives, even if the father is a loser, which my husband definitely is not. But Marty, although he pretends to be sympathetic and even angry when she does things she isn't supposed to, has never done anything to try to make her stop. He wouldn't even make her take them to the court ordered therapy.

So this is my personal issue of the day. Strike that, week. No wait, FOR THE LAST THREE YEARS. So I'm getting a little cranky. But, even though it doesn't help me at the moment, what it will turn out to do once things are over and I've settled down . . . the lesson here, for life, for business, for whatever, taking the easy way isn't always the easiest way. If my husband and I had been harder to get along with earlier on and had been squeakier wheels, then BM most likely would not have gotten away with the things that she did. Her brain washing of the children would not have been able to go so far, and we would have a normal blended family. Which isn't easy. Even when things were good, it was never easy. But it was still fun, and everyone got along and had a good time. Other than normal kid stuff, along with my own personal problems of having not been around children much, then being in a mother type role to pre teens. Certainly less of a mother role and more just assisting my husband in his parenting role. But before you've had kids, it feels like a mothering role.

So please pray for my family. We've had one disaster after another for three years. Not just in the step kid department. I keep saying, we don't need things to be easy. We just need for everything little thing to not have to be such a struggle. This adoption thing was supposed to be easy once it was decided. Ceritainly not easy emotionally, but everybody has signed their stuff, so it was just to be a waiting for stuff to be finished thing. I'm hoping that our three years of bad luck will be canceled out by winning the 250 million dollar lottery tonight! LOL. If you don't play the lotto, wish us luck. If you do play the lotto, then I understand your conflict of interest!

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